Bite Me: A Love Story Chapter 25

25. Being the Chronicles of Abby Normal, Failed Nosferatu, Heartbroken Day Dweller, and Deposed Backup Mistress of the Greater speak Area DarknessMy heady powers of the night ar gone, my manga-haired love meddle with a most fly ride is gone, tied(p) my tail is gone-worst of any, the Countess is gone. We watched her cross despatch on the dot before dawn, the Rastafarian imbecile piloting the pig fall(a) out past Alcatraz as we stood there on the dock.Then Rivera and Cavuto came vociferous up in their shit-brown cop-mobile and jumped out of the car, tout ensemble We bemuse tot eachy watched a number of cop shows and now know how to look urgent.And Cavuto is all, Dont even move, missy. And hes prop a Super Soaker again. This time, a yellow one.And Rivera is all crawl up the other side of the dock, as if we dont see him, even though the dock is only corresponding fifteen feet wide and theres no intersect and its almost dawn.And Tommys handle, You guys, I should in all p robability explain.But before he stool say anything else, I jump up and Im all, Rawr, at them, coming imbibe with total monster claw hands and scary face.And they fire up their sun jackets and exclusively open up on Tommy and me with the Super Soakers, until we are wet and laughing so hard that were falling down on each other. And Marvin jumps out of the car window and runs everywhere to us all doggie whaaaa? face, because he doesnt see a lot of laughing in the cadaver dog business.And Rivera looks at Cavuto, past turns off his sun jacket, and Cavuto turns off his, then h agings his squirt gun like its exactly turned into a giant yellow turd. And hes all, Well, bash.And Im all, Oh ass bear, you make me wet, which totally made us giggle some more, and Marvin ran over and started licking my face, which made me laugh even more, until finally Rivera pulled out his handcuffs and we stopped laughing.So we explained about the old vamps being dead and how they had gotten rid of all the kitty vamps and Chet, and how everyone else had been changed back like us, and it was all good so they just needed to chill the fuck out.And Riveras all, What about the black ship?And were like, It was owned by this eccentric bazil-lionaire, and the vamps had interpreted it over, but now that they were dead he was going home.And Rivera was all, But the emperor butterfly said-And Im all, Bitch, please. The Emperor of San Francisco, protector of Alcatraz, Sausalito, and Treasure Island, you mean? Snarking hard.And Rivera is all, Okay, good point.And then the Animals all pull up in two cars, and they jump out all loaded up with squirt guns and garden sprayers, and the Emperor and his dogs jump out, and they are all ready to kick ass, when Rivera stopped them and splained and they went off to get high up and the Emperor walked off down the waterfront, watching the Raven sail out to the Golden Gate.Kayso, now the sun is up and Rivera and Cavuto realize that we are totally non vamp s, so they take Marvin and climb in their shit-brown mobile and conduct off.So Tommy and I are just standing there, at the jar against of the dock, and we can just barely see the Raven out by the Golden Gate Bridge, her sails up now, all silver in the sun.And Im like, We should probably go get that money the Countess hid on the roof. Its like three deoxycytidine monophosphate thousand dollars. The Countess told us where it was before she left. She said she wouldnt need it.And hes like, Yeah. It might be a little harder to get up there now that we dont have super powers.And Im like, She said theres a fire escape most of the way.And hes all, Kay. And hes just staring at the ship.So Im like, So I know youre not nosferatu anymore, but I could still be your minion, if you needed one.And hes like, Im affable of broken-hearted over here.And Im like, Me, too.And hes all, Besides, I think youve sort of advanced beyond the level of minion.So Im like, I could be your girlfriend.And hes all , I thought you loved Foo.And Im like, I kind of do.So then hes like, I thought you loved Jody.And Im all, I do. Im polyamorous.And hes like, this instant you want to fuck parrots?And I was about to go off on him, but I saw he was grinning, so I just elbowed him in the ribs, like, you dick, as we watched the ship disappear into the fog outside the bridge.And hes like, When do you think the Raven will be back?And I go, all scary voice, Nevermore.Then he looks at me, with a big smile, and he takes my hand. And I totally wanted to kiss him, with plenty of despair and spit and whatnot. But then I would have had to slap him, so he didnt think that I was a slut, since Id only been dumped like hours before. But then I thought, he might slap me for the same reason, so sort of of a kiss I decided to do a itsy-bitsy celebratory booty dance of forbidden passion, which made him grin like a big doof.So we sort of stood there, holding hands, looking at where the ship used to be, realizing tha t the future was fucking ginormously huge. Like the abyss, only, you know, with better lighting.And Im all, So what now, cornflakes?Then hes all, I think Ill write a book.